cheerleader: (I love my life right now)
chrissy cunningham ([personal profile] cheerleader) wrote in [personal profile] likedillinger 2010-04-07 05:06 am (UTC)

If it was emotion that he wanted, then he was getting plenty, as she currently was attempting to pour everything that she was feeling over into him. She wanted him to be able to feel something, anything, and for him to be able to say that for one moment it was real. She knew that he had been pretending for a long time now, because she had seen the real him during their fishing trips, or when they had been sitting around alone long enough for his guard to drop. And she was okay with who he was deep down, through all of the darkness and anger, there was just a scared guy who needed someone to take care of him and be there for him. He really needed a mother, but since she couldn't be that (especially given how she was now sprawled out on him like a wanton harlot) she was just going to have to do what she could for him.

So she let him move her how he wanted to, and she stayed in place when he tugged her up and in closer, and she just barely paused in her kissing to look down at where his hand was out of the corner of her eye, just to make sure it was actually happening. She still wasn't sure if any of this was real, because she didn't feel as if she was enough to him for it to actually be happening. If he hadn't wanted her before, what changed things now?

Oh...desperation. It was fueling the both of them right now, wasn't it?

It was with a little gasp that went from her and into him that she shifted, balancing herself with a grip on his shoulders. She became more and more wary as the kiss continued without a break, and he became more and more hungry and forceful. She didn't think that he would ever hurt her, despite the fact that she could heal, and she didn't think that he'd push her into doing anything. But the problem was that neither one of them were actually thinking, and the little alarms that should have been going off in her head weren't, which just left her feeling a mixture of confused and starving for more.

In the back of her mind, she was pretending that she was the only one who got to see him like this, that this moment made her special. Because as she clung to him, her mouth parted so he could violate it however he wished to, she wasn't feeling particularly special. She was feeling a little as if he was using her, but it was what he needed. And this was what you did for someone that you loved, wasn't it? You helped them, you gave them whatever they needed to be happy.

She shifted her hips a little as being so close to him became almost painfully uncomfortable, because of the tingling that was collecting at the base of her spine and beginning to move up toward her stomach, causing her senses to become live wires. Every little graze of his fingers against her jaw caused her to shiver, and every time she realized he was still holding her by her thigh she was thankful his mouth was busy with hers so he wouldn't hear the pleased noises she was making. She broke the kiss only for a brief instant, so she could whisper his name as an inquiry, wondering what he wanted from her.

She was willing to do almost anything to make him better, to make him feel as if he was a better man than he saw himself as. Of course, grinding down up against his thigh probably wasn't the best way to actually make either of them feel better. Thankfully, it was just her body's own natural reaction to what was going on, because she was pretty much horrified that she had actually just done that. It made her feel every bit like the inexperienced kid she actually was, but he didn't seem to care what she was, just as long as she was there. That actually caused a little pang to course through her, and it left her feeling desperate to feel as if she was beautiful to him, as if she was wanted. She was almost more desperate than him by this point, driven by just the need to feel as if she mattered to him for more than just a momentary distraction.

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