Those words were basically all that she had been wanting to hear for the longest time, and hearing them actually caused her to grin, brighter than she had in a very long time. Said grin lasted for as long as his words took to really sink in, and then her face just crumbled. She didn't want him to have to think about losing her, losing what she felt, that wasn't what she was trying to get across to him. She would always be there, regardless of what dumb thing he did. That was just who she was for him, and she didn't plan on letting that change so easily.
She had been squirming up against him as he kissed his way down along her neck, and as her top shirt was slid off she was left with an alarm going off in her head. Finally, she realized that this wasn't going anywhere good, and that he probably was going to have sex with her if she let this continue. And as much as she did love him, she couldn't go from kissing to having sex in the same night. She was willing to give him anything, but the last little piece of her innocence was something that she treasured and held onto, despite all of the bitching she often did about still being a virgin.
Being one was special to her, it made her special for a reason other than her ability. And it was because she loved Dean enough to remember that she needed to love herself as well, and she shifted, bringing her hands up to his face. "Dean, I-" Her voice cracked there, because she knew how disappointed in her he was going to be once she kept speaking.
"We can't do this." It broke her heart to say it, to refuse him, and she looked up at him and prayed he could see every single ounce of regret and fear written on her face. "I have to wait-"
A thought then entered her mind, of the list that went back to that terrible purity test. The list she had promised Percy that they would go through together. Her boyfriend, her wonderful, perfect boyfriend was at home and was probably waiting for her to text him. He would probably want to go and do something tomorrow, and he would be spending time with his cheating liar of a girlfriend. None of this was fair to Percy, especially since she did care for him. Of course, none of her words or actions with Dean really did much to prove that.
"Percy doesn't deserve this. And neither do you."
Because I want to do this with Percy, I want him to be my first, even if he won't be able to even look at me now.
Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open as she tried to form words, tried to give some kind of explanation, but there was just too much she wanted to say. So she swallowed her emotions like the men in her life had taught her to do these past few months and forced herself to inwardly angst over the fact she had ruined everything. She was petrified of what Dean's reaction was going to be, but she still kept her hold on his face, so he'd look at her and not over her head and at the wall.
no subject
She had been squirming up against him as he kissed his way down along her neck, and as her top shirt was slid off she was left with an alarm going off in her head. Finally, she realized that this wasn't going anywhere good, and that he probably was going to have sex with her if she let this continue. And as much as she did love him, she couldn't go from kissing to having sex in the same night. She was willing to give him anything, but the last little piece of her innocence was something that she treasured and held onto, despite all of the bitching she often did about still being a virgin.
Being one was special to her, it made her special for a reason other than her ability. And it was because she loved Dean enough to remember that she needed to love herself as well, and she shifted, bringing her hands up to his face. "Dean, I-" Her voice cracked there, because she knew how disappointed in her he was going to be once she kept speaking.
"We can't do this." It broke her heart to say it, to refuse him, and she looked up at him and prayed he could see every single ounce of regret and fear written on her face. "I have to wait-"
A thought then entered her mind, of the list that went back to that terrible purity test. The list she had promised Percy that they would go through together. Her boyfriend, her wonderful, perfect boyfriend was at home and was probably waiting for her to text him. He would probably want to go and do something tomorrow, and he would be spending time with his cheating liar of a girlfriend. None of this was fair to Percy, especially since she did care for him. Of course, none of her words or actions with Dean really did much to prove that.
"Percy doesn't deserve this. And neither do you."
Because I want to do this with Percy, I want him to be my first, even if he won't be able to even look at me now.
Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open as she tried to form words, tried to give some kind of explanation, but there was just too much she wanted to say. So she swallowed her emotions like the men in her life had taught her to do these past few months and forced herself to inwardly angst over the fact she had ruined everything. She was petrified of what Dean's reaction was going to be, but she still kept her hold on his face, so he'd look at her and not over her head and at the wall.