He needed her, the one time he had ever truly needed her and asked something of her, and she was failing him. He had such sadness in his eyes, and it actually caused her physical pain to understand that he was hurting because of her refusal. And that was really all she needed to hear to know that she had to stay with him, and find a way to make him feel loved without her doing anything wrong. Because it was wrong to turn Dean into the other guy, to do this to Percy. She was wrong, and she couldn't blame it on anyone or anything but herself.
But they didn't have to deal with anything but one another right now, and Claire put on a thin smile as she rose up to stand on her knees, so she could be at the right height to place a kiss to his forehead. "I'm not going anywhere." She promised him, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. Another kiss was placed to the side of his mouth, but it was nothing but chaste, funny compared to how they had been going at it a few moments ago.
"I'm not ever going to leave you." She lowered herself to sit once again, her arms wrapping around him as tight as they could. "I love you, Dean Winchester, just for being you, and nothing is going to change that or take it away." Her head tipped back and she was able to offer him an actual smile, and although it was laced with heartbreak and sadness, it was also filled with adoration.
Her binding hug only lasted as long as it took her to say those things, and she pulled back just enough so she could look at his face. She wanted to remember his expression, to etch this moment into her memory so it would last forever. Her eyes slid closed as she brought a hand to his face, her fingertips tracing feather light touches across his skin. She was memorizing him, because she knew that she wasn't ever going to get this again, that she wasn't going to be allowed to have this with him.
And as much as she wanted to cry, she wasn't going to let herself, because she had to be the strong one in this. She had to take his sadness and somehow make it better, even if she was slowly realizing that there wasn't a way how to actually do that. No one else was going to be able to fix Dean, he was going to have to do it himself. But she didn't say these thoughts out loud and just continued trailing her fingers along his face, and down over his neck, and even further down across his chest.
It had been a long time since she had felt physical pain, but sitting there with him like this was causing her to feel worse than anything had ever stung her when she was younger. It felt as if someone was attempting to tear her heart out through her throat, and she wished that the hollow feeling from earlier would come back and replace it. She didn't want Dean to be causing her this kind of hurt, she didn't want to associate his face with feeling like her world was crashing down around her. But she had said before that she was willing to sacrifice herself in order to ensure Dean survived, and that she would be willing to endure any pain. So she considered this a test of what she had told Castiel, and she wanted to make sure that she passed it. She wondered if this was the being torn apart feeling that everyone warned her against, that they all said she would feel. She had been so stupid to think that she would be able to readily deal with it, because she wasn't sure that anything would ever make this right. It wasn't fair to Dean, and it really wasn't fair to her, and she was angry at herself for being selfish enough for allowing things to have gone as far as they did.
But he needed her, she wasn't going to leave him. She didn't have the power to actually abandon him, even if she wanted to. So she sat there, trying to show him the same thing she was earlier, but as innocently as possible. It was difficult to do when she really just wanted to cave in and give him what he thought he needed, but she refused to lower herself to being nothing more than just one of his many one night stands. She was worth more than that, and he definitely was worth more to her.
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He needed her, the one time he had ever truly needed her and asked something of her, and she was failing him. He had such sadness in his eyes, and it actually caused her physical pain to understand that he was hurting because of her refusal. And that was really all she needed to hear to know that she had to stay with him, and find a way to make him feel loved without her doing anything wrong. Because it was wrong to turn Dean into the other guy, to do this to Percy. She was wrong, and she couldn't blame it on anyone or anything but herself.
But they didn't have to deal with anything but one another right now, and Claire put on a thin smile as she rose up to stand on her knees, so she could be at the right height to place a kiss to his forehead. "I'm not going anywhere." She promised him, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. Another kiss was placed to the side of his mouth, but it was nothing but chaste, funny compared to how they had been going at it a few moments ago.
"I'm not ever going to leave you." She lowered herself to sit once again, her arms wrapping around him as tight as they could. "I love you, Dean Winchester, just for being you, and nothing is going to change that or take it away." Her head tipped back and she was able to offer him an actual smile, and although it was laced with heartbreak and sadness, it was also filled with adoration.
Her binding hug only lasted as long as it took her to say those things, and she pulled back just enough so she could look at his face. She wanted to remember his expression, to etch this moment into her memory so it would last forever. Her eyes slid closed as she brought a hand to his face, her fingertips tracing feather light touches across his skin. She was memorizing him, because she knew that she wasn't ever going to get this again, that she wasn't going to be allowed to have this with him.
And as much as she wanted to cry, she wasn't going to let herself, because she had to be the strong one in this. She had to take his sadness and somehow make it better, even if she was slowly realizing that there wasn't a way how to actually do that. No one else was going to be able to fix Dean, he was going to have to do it himself. But she didn't say these thoughts out loud and just continued trailing her fingers along his face, and down over his neck, and even further down across his chest.
It had been a long time since she had felt physical pain, but sitting there with him like this was causing her to feel worse than anything had ever stung her when she was younger. It felt as if someone was attempting to tear her heart out through her throat, and she wished that the hollow feeling from earlier would come back and replace it. She didn't want Dean to be causing her this kind of hurt, she didn't want to associate his face with feeling like her world was crashing down around her. But she had said before that she was willing to sacrifice herself in order to ensure Dean survived, and that she would be willing to endure any pain. So she considered this a test of what she had told Castiel, and she wanted to make sure that she passed it. She wondered if this was the being torn apart feeling that everyone warned her against, that they all said she would feel. She had been so stupid to think that she would be able to readily deal with it, because she wasn't sure that anything would ever make this right. It wasn't fair to Dean, and it really wasn't fair to her, and she was angry at herself for being selfish enough for allowing things to have gone as far as they did.
But he needed her, she wasn't going to leave him. She didn't have the power to actually abandon him, even if she wanted to. So she sat there, trying to show him the same thing she was earlier, but as innocently as possible. It was difficult to do when she really just wanted to cave in and give him what he thought he needed, but she refused to lower herself to being nothing more than just one of his many one night stands. She was worth more than that, and he definitely was worth more to her.