Fanmix: Supernatural - Dean Winchester, to Hell and back - My Violent Heart

[likedillinger]

Medium | Television
Fandom | Supernatural
Subject | Dean Winchester, to hell and back (The first seal, Alastair's tutelage, and the psychological aftershocks of his time there)
Title | My Violent Heart: a Dean mix
Warnings | Major spoilers for the finale of Supernatural S3 and onwards.  Mature subject matter (violence, torture, disturbing images, language)
Notes | This mix is a character study of the impact of Dean's years in hell.  Given how much Dean suppresses his feelings, it isn't always obvious that he's spent another lifetime (40 years, versus his 30 on earth), being tormented and then torturing others in Hell.  This mix explore the emotional scars he keeps hidden, and the reasons why he has such a hard time believing 'he deserves to be saved', as Castiel points out.  The first disc deals with Dean's death and time in hell, while the second is about his return, and the impact hell continues to have on him.  Obviously, this mix focuses heavily on the dynamic between Dean and Alastair, though not necessarily in a slashy way (except for a very literal knife-slashy way).    There's a lot of repeated artists (mostly NIN), mostly because I wanted the album to have a cohesive sound.   2 discs.  30 songs plus a bonus.

Comments are love.  .zips included at the bottom.
(2 downloads, one for each disc).

disc one | dean in hell

vow | garbage

Lilith and the hell hounds come to collect.  Also foreshadows Dean's resurrection.

help me i am in hell | nine inch nails

The initial shock, horror, and introduction to hell.

black sabbath | ozzy osbourne

On the rack, for the first time.  Meet Alastair. 

alone i break | korn

And thirty years of torture begins.  Despite how strong Dean is, being repeatedly eviscerated begins to tear at even his fortitude. 

burn | three days grace

Like Ruby said, of course there's regular old skin sizzling off action in Hell.  Also, Dean becomes aware that Alastair has a special interest in him.

backdrifts (honeymoon is over) | radiohead

Steering towards a breaking point.

the gardener | the dresden dolls

One of my two absolute favorite songs on this mix.  Here we see the more sinister motivations underlying Alastair's focus on Dean - and how he's cultivating him to be the twisted tool they need to break the first seal.  The raspy, creepy sound reminds me of Alastair's brand of psychological manipulation, and he is 'the gardener' in question.  From 'at last my little flower / is getting put to use' onward represents Alastair's point of view when Dean finally gives in.

the line begins to blur | nine inch nails

Dean's lines of morality get grayed as he crumbles finally.

the becoming | nine inch nails

Taking up the knife, Dean loses a part of himself, and is forced to become something new.

somewhat damaged | nine inch nails

And here's my absolute favorite number. 
From the evocative carving sound, to every last lyric, this is my theme for Dean in hell.  Dean & Alastair, Dean & Sam, and more.

the art of self destruction, part one | nine inch nails

Both Dean's relationship to his victims, and Alastair's control over him.

the undertaker (renholder mix) | puscifer

Dean's guilt, and his hatred of Alastair

pretty piece of flesh | one inch punch

There's a disturbing sort of irony in how Dean always objectified women in life, and now in hell, he's forced to see his victims as objects, rather than people, if he wants to be able to live with himself.
General Dean as torturer tunes.

the great destroyer | nine inch nails

Dean's potential, under the watchful eye of Alastair.   His efforts to resist.

blood, milk, and sky | white zombie

The beauty in the knife.

destroying angel | sneaker pimps

The fragile balance between doing what he must and losing who he was completely.

every day is exactly the same | nine inch nails

I'll admit, this is a bizarre application of this song, but that's why I like it.  For mutilating people in horrible ways to become something routine, to the point where you start to forget what it was like not to do it, is especially horrifying.  And you have to keep in mind that for Dean, there was no hope of escape.  This was gonna be it.  Forever.



disc two | dean returned

all along the watchtower | bear mccreary ft. richard gibbs

I fussed over which version of this song to use for this, but settled on the Battlestar Galactica arrangement because it's just so damn epic.
Castiel plunges into Hell to yank Dean out of there.
The 'joker' is, of course, none other than Dean, and Castiel is the thief, stealing him from the devil's clutches.

airbag | radiohead

Resurrected - for a purpose.

through the glass | three days grace

Meeting up with Sam again - the walls between them.

kingdom | dave gahan

Dealing with heaven's expectations.  Dean doesn't feel he deserved salvation.

awaken | disturbed

Encountering Alastair again.

all that i'm living for | evanescence

Fighting off the memories and compartmentalizing.

bleed well | him

I don't know if I can explain why, but I kind of identify this song with the Anna/Dean hookup.

seen it all | korn

What Dean keeps hidden.  And what the angels demand he bring back out to question Alastair. 

my violent heart | nine inch nails

Torturing Alastair - and learning the truth.  That he broke the first seal, and this is his fault. 
The lines about 'when you return to the place that you call home | we will be there' etc. fit well with how he comes home to Sam under Ruby's influence.

away from me | evanescence

Dealing with the revelation.

broken lungs (legion of doom remix) | thrice

The Apocalypse is coming.

walk away from the sun | seether

Dean in the aftermath.

have to drive | amanda palmer

And an appropriately epic ending tune.  Dean's still repressed emotions, and his relationship to Sam, as they head out to fight the end of the world.

bonus.

all along the watchtower | jimi hendrix

Roll credits to images of the Impala drivin' off. ;)
Felt the need to include a more classic rock Dean sound version of this.

Mixes were deleted, so I am still currently REUPLOADING THE SECOND ONE.  This should be up within a few hours.  Thanks for your patience~

.zip (Disc 1, songs + covers) - Link fixed!

.zip (Disc 2, songs + covers) -  Link fixed!

If you take the time to download, please take the time to comment.  <3
A lot of work went into this.
Even better - comment after listening! 

Comments

[snarky-blonde.livejournal.com]

That is just pure awesome!

[likedillinger.livejournal.com]

♥ ♥ ♥ Thank you!

[huntedhunter.livejournal.com]

omg you posted it! Ah, its huge and epic! I will def be downloading once I am not on my phone. ♥

[likedillinger.livejournal.com]

I did! It took forever. :3 I hope you like it!! ♥ ♥

[have_no_mercy]

Very awesome.

I'm sort of half attempting to do one of these for Tess, but music and RP don't generally mix well for me so it's a bit of a struggle. Interestingly enough, however, Vow is also on her list that I've got so far.

[likedillinger.livejournal.com]

This comment is months late and I don't care. :P You should do one for her! And that's... really awesome that that song is on there. XD

[angelbuffy.livejournal.com]

The art for this mix is awesome. So, points there.

Disc one:
I love how you chose Vow by Garbage, and The Gardner by Dresden Dolls. It could be because I'm biased and Garbage was awesome in the 90's for me growing up, and Dresden Dolls has massive similarities. I love the lyrics to the Dresden Dolls song, and I really think you've hit the nail on the head there. I mean, come on!
Don’t rest my little flower
You're getting put to use
You've always been a failure
But now you're bearing strange new fruit of hell

Right?

Disc 2:
I fell in love with you, because you used All Along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix. The end.

I also want to mention how I love that you used NIN for a lot of this. It really does fit. Every Day is Exactly the Same is one of my favorite NIN songs. And honestly? NIN isn't even my favorite band at all. But I'm really glad you used them.

Plus Trent is hot as hell.

Good Job! <3

[likedillinger.livejournal.com]

Yes, I... reply to comments like over a month after the fact, wut.

I'm so glad you... loved it, and picked out those lyrics b/c they're like my favorite part. <33333

And I'm so glad you liked the NIN sound.

And unf unf unf trent.

And yes, I... fail at replying on this page for some reason.

[pherber-m.livejournal.com]

Erm, looks like they've both been deleted... Did you move them?

[like-dillinger.livejournal.com]

I will fix them in the next day and then comment to let you know! :c

Sorry about that.

[searingidolatry.livejournal.com]

Downloading both, looks great - thanks for posting

[searingidolatry.livejournal.com]

Or I was going to, they're no longer available :(

[crimson-antics.livejournal.com]

So totally downloading this...Hell-themed songs and mixes hold a special place in my heart &hearts.

[crimson-antics.livejournal.com]

The files are no longer aviable :(

[misslucyjane]

This looks epic! Downloading, thank you!

Except they've been deleted.

[like-dillinger.livejournal.com]

I will fix them in the next day and then comment to let you know! :c

Sorry about that.

[lanekana.livejournal.com]

They're gone. >:

[like-dillinger.livejournal.com]

I will fix them in the next day and then comment to let you know! :c

Sorry about that.

[damion_starr.livejournal.com]

Want to download this sooo bad! T___T

[like-dillinger.livejournal.com]

I will fix them in the next day and then comment to let you know! :c

Sorry about that.

[ladyamarra.livejournal.com]

Both Dls have been deleted. Maybe try megaupload next time, they aren't as quick with deleting, and use a less obvious file name, too. Some gibberish will do the trick!

[likedillinger.livejournal.com]

I've been made aware, and am currently reuploading both of them~

I'll comment to let you know when they're completed!

[smpobsessor.livejournal.com]

Sounds like some amazing fanmixes! *waits patiently for links*

[like-dillinger.livejournal.com]

Fixed! ♥ Hope you enjoy~

[eclipse-writer.livejournal.com]

Downloaded - thank you for making this and putting so much effort into it, it looks like it came out really well (and I'm looking forward to listening to it).

[I'm not really a fan of SPN, tbh - but I looked at the description for the mix and it seems to remind me so much of this one character I've been developing for a story of mine that I couldn't help but want to download it. If I can get any [more] music to help me write this character better, I'll take it. So, thank you for helping me with this mix, even though my story and interest has nothing at all to do with SPN. *lol* :) ]

[like-dillinger.livejournal.com]

/Late response is super-late.

Aww, thanks so much! I'm really flattered that you downloaded the mix just for the... overall theme of it, really. I hope it helped you out. ♥

[snb123.livejournal.com]

*sobbing* Oh Dean!
This is really great! Totally downloading!

[likedillinger.livejournal.com]

/late reply is late!

I hope you enjoyed, and thanks for downloading! ♥

[smirk-dog.livejournal.com]

radiohead makes everything better. this is most awesome.

[likedillinger.livejournal.com]

mmmm yes it does.


/late

[gblvr.livejournal.com]

Very nice...snagging both, with thanks!

[like-dillinger.livejournal.com]

Hope you enjoyed it~!

[planetkiller.livejournal.com]

Downloading. Thanks!

[like-dillinger.livejournal.com]

You're welcome!

[ebilchickens.livejournal.com]

This looks brilliant! Will be snagging both. :D

[like-dillinger.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you~! I hope you enjoyed.

[crimson-antics.livejournal.com]

I'm coming back after finally getting around to listen to all of it...and as I expected, this is utterly awesome.
To be very honest, it is the only fanmix I've actually created a playlist for, because I think you truly captured the Dean-in-Hell feeling with this mix.

*bows down*

[like-dillinger.livejournal.com]

Awwwwwwww, omg, thank you for coming back around to tell me that. :3 It means a lot. I'm so glad you enjoyed! ♥!

[naeara-k.livejournal.com]

Um, wow?

It's taken me *ages* to finally get enough time away from Uni to listen to this, and now I'm kicking myself for taking so long.

BRILLIANT.

I didn't even do anything else while listening to this, I just sat there and read your notes on each song and listened. Prefect.

[chookybakker.livejournal.com]

This looks astounding. Downloaded.

The individual song explanations are painstakingly goodly (I'm stupider because I'm tired. Shush)

♥

AH-AH-AHEM.

[sallysfever.livejournal.com]

Firstly, Hell!Dean mixes are absolutely magical. Such a wrong word, but I love them. Hell!Anything is just exciting. So, yay you for making that. And secondly, I'm downloading both of these.

THIRDLY - I will come back to tell you what I thought of it. My prediction, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OMG EEEEEEEE FFFFFFFFFFFF---- that was awesome. I demand a spot on SPN as an extra that Dean flirts with if my prediction is correct.

That is all.

[selivia-wanders.livejournal.com]

So I downloaded this way back when and have since lost the files to a restore (my computer luck is a negative number). Is there any way you could reload the zip files?

[likedillinger.livejournal.com]

... What bizarre timing. I was actually looking back at this mix last week and told myself I should reupload it. So yes! I definitely will sometime soon and I'll drop you a comment again here when I do so! ♥ I'm really touched that you want it again ;__;

Re: Thank you

[financialanalyst]

I have been looking for something like this for a very long time. You are extremely talented, and I used these songs to better understand Alastair and Dean in season 4. For me, Dean's time in Hell informs how I interpret his psychology, and this mix contributed to my 'Supernatural' experience while watching (and rewatching!) the show.

God, what I would give to see your music library. Must be amazing. I am now going through all other fanmixes that you have posted. Is this still a current blog, or have you moved elsewhere? I am also interested in any other playlists about any subject you may have posted anywhere else online, such as 8Tracks.

And above all else - THANK YOU! Thank you thank you thank you for this amazing fanmix. And all the best with your future endeavours.

[likedillinger]

What a seriously moving and surprising comment to show up on a five year old mix. That really made my whole week. I still look back at this as one of my favorite mixes I've ever worked on, so it means so much!

I am on 8tracks now with new mixes, and also slowly working on uploading old ones as well. You can find me at ardendactyl. I can't even express how happy this made me! Thank YOU!!