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Meme; Letters, Day 3
Jul. 17th, 2010 12:18 am✓ Day 3 → Your Parents
✓ Verse: BNW
✓ John:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
learnedthetruth / Mary: no associated journal
Dad
I've stopped waiting for you to call. I get it. You know me and Sammy gotta do this - that it's all on us two, and hell, I'd say anybody who's died fighting this fight has more than given their share already.I know I have. I figure somewhere, wherever you are, you've got your own plan, and that's what you're doing. I wish you'd let me in on it. I wish you could trust me with that much.
But sometimes, I still catch myself hoping that you'd just show up. Or call us up. Complete with fresh orders.
It's been hard when the only orders I'm taking are my own. When I make the wrong calls, I'm not just answering to you. People die, dad. Or worse.
And it's all on me.
I always wanted to be just like you, you know. To be as strong as you were. But I'm not.
But now... I have to be. That's why you're not around, isn't it?
I've gotta be strong enough, because no one else is gonna be.
I guess I kinda want to thank you for that.
I love you, Dad.
I miss you.
Dean.
------
Mom.
I know that a lot of the stuff I remember about you is more just an impression of a feeling than anything. I guess meeting past-you just proved to me how much I never really knew you, even when it was just us and Dad.
But I wish I could talk to you now and ask you one thing.
Ask you how you did it.
How you went back from everything you'd seen, and everything with Yellow Eyes, and living your life like a hunter, and just made a regular life in a regular house for yourself. If he hadn't come to collect, we'd still be together. I wonder if you'd be happy. I wonder if it helped you forget, having us.
It's not something I can really talk to Sammy about, or anybody, but I'm just tired, Mom, and I want to know how you did it.
I need to know if I can do it.
And I need to know that wasn't you up there. That it was just Zach screwing with us.
Tell me you don't hate me. Don't resent me. I just need to hear it.
I love you.
Dean.
✓ Verse: BNW
✓ John:
learnedthetruth / Mary: no associated journalDad
I've stopped waiting for you to call. I get it. You know me and Sammy gotta do this - that it's all on us two, and hell, I'd say anybody who's died fighting this fight has more than given their share already.
But sometimes, I still catch myself hoping that you'd just show up. Or call us up. Complete with fresh orders.
It's been hard when the only orders I'm taking are my own. When I make the wrong calls, I'm not just answering to you. People die, dad. Or worse.
And it's all on me.
I always wanted to be just like you, you know. To be as strong as you were. But I'm not.
But now... I have to be. That's why you're not around, isn't it?
I've gotta be strong enough, because no one else is gonna be.
I guess I kinda want to thank you for that.
I love you, Dad.
I miss you.
Dean.
------
Mom.
I know that a lot of the stuff I remember about you is more just an impression of a feeling than anything. I guess meeting past-you just proved to me how much I never really knew you, even when it was just us and Dad.
But I wish I could talk to you now and ask you one thing.
Ask you how you did it.
How you went back from everything you'd seen, and everything with Yellow Eyes, and living your life like a hunter, and just made a regular life in a regular house for yourself. If he hadn't come to collect, we'd still be together. I wonder if you'd be happy. I wonder if it helped you forget, having us.
It's not something I can really talk to Sammy about, or anybody, but I'm just tired, Mom, and I want to know how you did it.
I need to know if I can do it.
Tell me you don't hate me. Don't resent me. I just need to hear it.
Dean.
