Meme; Letters, Day 3

✓ Day 3 → Your Parents
✓ Verse: BNW

✓ John: learnedthetruth / Mary: no associated journal

Dad

I've stopped waiting for you to call.  I get it.  You know me and Sammy gotta do this - that it's all on us two, and hell, I'd say anybody who's died fighting this fight has more than given their share already.  I know I have.  I figure somewhere, wherever you are, you've got your own plan, and that's what you're doing.  I wish you'd let me in on it.  I wish you could trust me with that much.

But sometimes, I still catch myself hoping that you'd just show up.  Or call us up.  Complete with fresh orders.

It's been hard when the only orders I'm taking are my own.  When I make the wrong calls, I'm not just answering to you.  People die, dad.  Or worse.  

And it's all on me.

I always wanted to be just like you, you know.  To be as strong as you were.  But I'm not.

But now... I have to be.  That's why you're not around, isn't it?

I've gotta be strong enough, because no one else is gonna be.



I guess I kinda want to thank you for that.  

I love you, Dad.

I miss you.

Dean.

------

Mom.

I know that a lot of the stuff I remember about you is more just an impression of a feeling than anything.  I guess meeting past-you just proved to me how much I never really knew you, even when it was just us and Dad.  

But I wish I could talk to you now and ask you one thing.

Ask you how you did it.

How you went back from everything you'd seen, and everything with Yellow Eyes, and living your life like a hunter, and just made a regular life in a regular house for yourself.  If he hadn't come to collect, we'd still be together.  I wonder if you'd be happy.  I wonder if it helped you forget, having us.

It's not something I can really talk to Sammy about, or anybody, but I'm just tired, Mom, and I want to know how you did it. 

I need to know if I can do it.

And I need to know that wasn't you up there.  That it was just Zach screwing with us.

Tell me you don't hate me.  Don't resent me.  I just need to hear it.


I love you.

Dean.

Meme; Letters, Day 4

✓ Day 4 → Your sibling (or closest relative)
✓ Verse: BNW.
✓ getyourownpie 

Sam.

I don't know what I'm supposed to say anymore, but you're crazy if you think it's ever gonna be "goodbye".

So maybe there's not a snowball's chance in hell this is even gonna work.  And if it does, we both know trapping him is trapping you if we do this crazy plan.

I promised that sonuvabitch I'd let you walk into it anyways.

You know what?

I lied.

I keep telling myself I could have been stronger for you, or a better brother, kept you around instead of driving you away.  Done something to protect you from this a long time ago.  That somewhere along the line, I screwed up.

But I'm not gonna stop fighting, Sammy.  I'm not giving in another inch.

I refuse to let it really end this way.

Maybe God's a dick, maybe he really did just walk away and not give a shit.

But I won't walk.

I've got your back.

Don't ever doubt that.

Dean.